This week, we have a true story about suicide:
On 18th November 2018, I lost my Brother to suicide. After he had failed to collect his 11 year old Daughter from her Grandparents house, we started to worry about him. First we just assumed that he had fallen asleep or got stuck in traffic, but I made my way to his house anyway, just to make sure he was okay.
I arrived at his address with my best friend but started to feel more alarmed when he didn't answer the door. I pounded on the door calling his name only to be greeted with silence. It was only when I looked through the letter box that I realised the reality of what he had done. He had taken his own life. By the time I got there, it was too late.
The reaction from my family and everyone who knew my Brother was the same. Shock, followed by disbelief, followed by confusion, followed by pain. We all had one major thing in common though. The questions. Why? Why did he do this? What went wrong? Who's responsible for this? The hardest part is knowing we will never know the answers to these questions. He didn't leave a note or anything to explain what had pushed him over the edge. A lot of us felt and still feel guilt. Personally, I feel guilty that I didn't know what my only sibling was going to do, I should've known. I feel guilty that I didn't make it in time to save him and I feel guilty that I couldn't provide him with anything worth living for. I know I shouldn't but there's nothing anyone says that makes me feel any different. We were angry at times and thought he was a selfish man for leaving us and his daughter behind. Then we cried because we missed him and we wished we could've helped him. I cry because I won't see him again, I won't dance and sing with him or take his photo when he's all dressed up for a night out. I won't hear his laugh or cuss him for trying to flick bogeys at me. I won't cry with laughter over him singing Earth Song at the top of his voice in front of my mates.
When someone takes their own life, there is no comfort for the ones left behind. You can only tell yourself that it was their choice to do what they wanted to do. My Brother had a beautiful home, a brilliant job, an amazing daughter, a family who loved him way more than he knew. All I can say is just be kind, not just to your own, to everyone. If you know anyone who is struggling with suicidal thoughts, feel free to direct them here. Share this story with them. Remind them that they're loved and wanted and that they have a purpose being here. Encourage them to seek help and support them through.
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